Do you remember me?
I have been your lawyer since January of 2023.
I’ve been waiting for you to tell me what you need.
Well, it’s been a really long, long time.
And I know you haven’t committed a crime.
But you still haven’t paid your bill, not even a dime.
So here’s my year end wish.
I do not mean to bitch,
Please pay me what you owe, with interest of 1% over prime.
Remember when you called me and begged me to act,
As your ex was threatening to end all contact,
So I dropped all else and file your case in time.
With grace and skill I pled your cause,
The judge agreed and spared you any pause,
She even ordered your ex to pay your costs.
But now you’re ghosting me,
And ignoring payment of my fee,
So I’m left with making my position clear to thee.
No more emails to which I will respond,
I will not go above and beyond,
And to your ex’s lawyer I will not correspond.
You’ll then be on your own.
The process and the laws will be unknown,
And the judge will yell at you from her thrown,
This would be your ex’s Christmas wish.
But it doesn’t have to be like this,
My services you don’t have to dismiss,
I can still help get what you need.
All I’m asking for is one little thing,
And when done, like a bird in court, I will sing,
And then your case will be done by early spring.
Then, no more forms for you to complete,
You will be living on easy street,
Knowing that your ex you did defeat.
Your family case will be done,
From your past you can finally run,
And start living with your girlfriend that you’ve tried to keep discrete.
This will finally be your Christmas wish.
But only if you produce the dough,
And pay me what you owe,
And I will even give you a taxable receipt.
I will file the minutes to settle,
In your lives no one will mettle,
And your debt to me will then be obsolete.
This can be your Christmas wish.
This would be my Christmas wish.